Letters to Guru Karma Gain

Many times I am asked “Guru, what is the secret to attaining inner peace?”


The quest for inner peace is a long and devoted process. First the initiate must learn difficult poses designed to unite the physical body with the control and focus of the spirit mind.


I can personally attest to the efficacy of these poses. I find that several hours with the heel pad of the right foot placed securely behind the left ear, will create powerful focus upon the pain in one’s groin, overriding all small and trivial concerns eating away at one’s natural state of peace. Therefore, attain the bodily postures of a Master, secondly, meditate often and long. Learn the power of maintaining focus, even as the storm swirls and the wind blows about you.


The only companion in solitude will be the inner voice, a crotchety, self absorbed inner voice who is tedious to be with. Practicing in this way, will bring ceaseless attentiveness upon the failure to find inner peace, condensing problems down to one gnawing, insurmountable worry, instead of many silly and worthless concerns.


Thirdly one must renounce all unhealthy habits and observe a strict vegetarian diet. It will take many years for the cravings to subside, and during long hours of meditation, the rumbling belly will bring realisation, a realisation that things weren’t really all that bad before taking the path to inner peace.


Finally, prayer is very important, as children of God, it’s always helpful to ask assistance in reaching the fruit that grows highest on the tree. It’s also good to talk with someone ,who is not in such a grumpy mood as one’s self.


For the impatient, there is a more difficult path that delivers instantaneous results. One may simply choose to be happy, no matter the dilemma, at every bump and major crash upon the road to eternity, choose to be happy, will it with powerful intent, and the Divine Master, who resides within your childlike soul, will grant you peace.


Dear Guru Karma Gain, my girlfriend continually promises to change her ways, we make up, but things go back to the way they were before. I always seem to be taken in by people who make promises they don’t keep.
Confused Male.


A chameleon may change its outer appearance, but it remains a chameleon.
A leopard cannot change its spots! In the words of my great Guru, Saya Data Gain, “If you seek to hear the truth, do not listen to lies.”


Dear Guru, I don’t believe in God or the afterlife. I think when you’re dead your dead. How can intelligent people fall for such nonsense?
Non Believer


The All Knowing One has provided for such poverty of faith as yours. To know the answer to the unsolvable riddle, you must not ask where have I come from, nor seek to know where do I go? You must simply affirm, “I am presently here today, I am.” Now continue on like this, make it your daily mantra until you are not presently here anymore.
When you are not presently here anymore, change the mantra to “I was.”


Dear Guru, I’m a person who needs to be needed, and I like being in a relationship, but as soon as things start getting serious, I feel trapped and need to be free again.
Mixed up.


Why does the kitty cat enjoy the taste of milk on his tongue, yet detest the feel of milk on his paws? Is it not the same bowl of milk eliciting pleasure and displeasure? Thus the servant of sensory delusion must move continually between the poles of joy and pain.
Abstain from drinking milk if you cannot bear it falling on your paws.


Dear Guru, why does God allow injustice in the world?


Where trust is broken, even an honest man becomes a thief.


Dear Guru Karma Gain, recently my husband and I have been arguing, we seem to be going round and round in circles and getting nowhere. I’m tired of being upset all the time, what can I do? Desperate.


Dear Desperate, the Universe and your local bakery provide manifold tools for achieving peace and serenity within your relationship. You must purchase 1 dozen unseeded dinner rolls ( enlighteners! ) Sit down opposite your partner, offer him 1/2 the rolls. Now focus on the one thing that truly infuriates the most about your partner. Hold this thought in your mind until you are good and mad. Fix your eyes upon the space between your husband’s brows, this is called the third eye, and is the place of knowing and intuitive understanding. Now hurl the bun at that, while shouting the mantra “You never listen to me!” Or other appropriate mantra for the occasion. The first thing you will notice is how well the bun bounces off the wall, the second thing you will notice is that you have missed completely. The third thing you will notice, is that you still have 5 more buns!


Anger disrupts your inner balance, blocking all attempts at directing a purposeful and accurate strike at your target. Just so, your marriage has become nothing but a bun fight of angry words bouncing off the walls of each other’s egos. Speak your truth without anger, and all will be well.


Dear Guru, I’ve been struggling to make ends meet, and the bills just keep coming. I feel very unsupported by the people around me and don’t know where to turn.
In Need of Help.


Many years ago I was sitting beneath a shady tree with my empty beggar’s bowl, I sat there a very long time, and by late afternoon I was very hungry, and my bowl was still empty. I looked up and down the road hopefully, but I was quite alone. I was about to give up, when suddenly, a large mango assaulted my head and bounced into my bowl. The moral of my tale, is do not look to others before first using your own God tuned ability to thrive, even in the direst circumstances. Never, never forget to look up in your time of need, and finally, a crowded marketplace always yields a better result than a country road.


“The tallest sunflower in the field will only ever look down from its lofty heights, and see sunflowers.
The smallest sunflower in the field will only ever look up and see sunflowers.
There is only a different perspective, all is really the same.
Therefore, it is not the flower’s place to instil flower-hood into its fellows.
The light of God filters down to even the lowliest flower.
To be a living example of wisdom,
grow tall and straight towards the light,
and do not allow your roots to encroach upon another’s soil.
Look around you, there are only sunflowers.
There is no such thing as a student or a teacher sunflower.”

Guru Karma Gain.

Guru Karma Gain is an imaginary friend of the writer Kay Sharp ©2014

Previous Article    Fun With Guru Karma Gain    Next Article


Leave a Reply